Advice for a Wife Whose Husband Neglects Prayer
Question: As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh. What should I do with my husband who does not perform the prayers at their prescribed times? And if he combines them, sometimes he does not pray them at all and starts over again. He is 57 years old, and he has grown children who know this. He swears and promises but does not fulfill his oaths and promises. I have spoken with him many times about this since our marriage, but he only rarely prays.
Summary:
Abandoning prayer or being negligent in it is a grave sin that exposes a person to punishment in this world and the Hereafter, and it is feared that it leads to major disbelief. You must be patient and gentle while constantly reminding, encouraging, and warning, using all possible means to reform him, while also praying for his guidance and safeguarding your own faith and that of your children. A Short Emotional Message You Can Gently Send to Your Husband My beloved husband, you are a role model for your children, and they look at you every day. Allah says: “And enjoin prayer upon your family and be steadfast in it.” [Ṭāhā: 132] And remember the saying of the Prophet ﷺ: “The covenant that is between us and them is prayer; whoever abandons it has disbelieved.” I beg you, my husband, do not deprive yourself of Allah’s mercy, and do not let your children see you neglecting the right of Allah. Pray before it is prayed over you. Return to your Lord in repentance; the door is open, and the opportunity is still in your hands. I ask Allah to unite us upon His obedience, to open your heart to prayer, and to make you among those who guard it. O my husband, prayer is your life and salvation, so do not delay it. Allah says: “So woe to those who pray, but are heedless of their prayer.” [Al-Māʿūn: 4–5] Pray before it is prayed over you, and do not deprive yourself and your children of the blessing of prayer and the pleasure of Allah.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, all praise is due to Allah, and may Peace and Blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)
Wa ʿalaykum as-salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuh
First: The Seriousness of Abandoning Prayer or Being Negligent in It
Prayer is the greatest pillar of Islam after the two testimonies of faith. Severe warnings have come concerning abandoning it or being careless with it.
From the Qur'an:
- Maryam: 59
“Then there came after them successors who neglected the prayer and followed their desires, so they will meet misguidance.”
- Al-Māʿūn: 4–5
“So woe to those who pray, but are heedless of their prayer.”
From the Sunnah:
- Sunan Ibn Majah 1079‘Abdullah bin Buraidah narrated that his father said:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘The covenant that distinguishes between us and them is prayer; so whoever leaves it, he has committed Kufr.’”
From the Qur'an:
- Nisāʾ: 103
“Indeed, prayer has been decreed upon the believers a decree of specified times.”
From the Sunnah:
- Sahih al-Bukhari 528Narrated Abu Huraira:
I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying, "If there was a river at the door of anyone of you and he took a bath in it five times a day would you notice any dirt on him?" They said, "Not a trace of dirt would be left." The Prophet (ﷺ) added, "That is the example of the five prayers with which Allah blots out (annuls) evil deeds."
- Sahih al-Bukhari 553Narrated Abu Al-Mahh
The Prophet said, "Whoever leaves the `Asr prayer, all his (good) deeds will be annulled."
From the Salaf:
- (Reported by al-Tirmidhī)
ʿAbdullāh ibn Shaqīq al-ʿUqaylī said: “The companions of Muḥammad ﷺ did not consider the abandonment of any action as disbelief except prayer.”
Fourth: Advice for You Regarding Your Husband Continue advising with wisdom and gentleness, as Allah said:
From the Qur'an:
- An-Naḥl: 125
“Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good preaching.”
Remind him that his children follow his example, and his negligence may be a cause for their ruin and the loss of their religion. Encourage him to make sincere repentance and renew his covenant with Allah, for the door of repentance is open until the soul reaches the throat or the sun rises from the west. If advice does not work, involve righteous people, scholars, or respected relatives and friends whose words he respects, perhaps Allah will make their words effective. You and your children should increase your supplication for his guidance in the depths of the night, for hearts are between two fingers of the Most Merciful, and He turns them as He wills.
From the Salaf:
- ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
“There is no share in Islam for the one who abandons prayer.”
- (Reported by Muslim).
ʿAbdullāh ibn Masʿūd (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever wishes to meet Allah tomorrow as a Muslim, let him preserve these prayers where the call to them is made.”
And Allah knows best.
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