Maintaining Family Ties Despite Psychological Harm and a Sister’s Marriage to a Non-Mahram

“And do not marry off polytheistic men until they believe.”

And regarding believing women who emigrated:

“Do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful for them, nor are they lawful for them.”

These texts clearly prohibit a Muslim woman remaining under a disbeliever. Statements of the scholars: Ibn al-Mundhir said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that a disbeliever may not marry a Muslim woman. Ibn Qudāmah said in al-Mughnī: There is no difference of opinion among the scholars regarding the prohibition of a Muslim woman marrying a disbeliever. What follows from this ruling: The contract is invalid. She must separate from him immediately. She must be advised and the ruling clearly explained to her. However, despite the gravity of the sin, the sanctity of family ties does not fall away. She remains a sister with a right to kinship. Second: Is Boycott Permissible? Boycott in Islamic law has guidelines. Shaykh al-Islām Ibn Taymiyyah said: Boycott is legislated if it leads to a greater benefit; if it increases evil, then it is not legislated. If boycotting her would deter her it may be considered. If boycotting her would increase her distance and persistence in sin it is not legislated. Third: Is the Questioner Sinful if She Cannot Maintain Ties? Even if the marriage is invalid: Total and permanent severance is not permissible. Reducing contact due to psychological harm is permissible. Maintaining the minimum level of kinship is sufficient.

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain his family ties.”

No exception was made for a sinful relative. Fourth: A Very Important Point It is not permissible to hold the sister legally responsible for the father’s death.

“When their appointed time comes, they can neither delay it for an hour nor advance it.”

Death is decreed by Allah, even if the incident caused grief and sorrow. Fifth: Practical Guidance If she is with a disbeliever: Advise her gently. Clarify the Islamic ruling clearly. Do not approve of falsehood. Maintain a minimal level of kinship. She is not required to: Make long visits. Attend mixed gatherings. Show approval of her actions.

“So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption in the land and sever your family ties? Those are the ones whom Allah has cursed.”

“No one who cuts off family ties will enter Paradise.”

“The one who maintains ties is not the one who merely reciprocates, but the one who maintains ties when they are cut off.”

This shows that maintaining ties is obligatory even when the other party is at fault. But obligation is according to ability.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.”

“When I command you with something, do of it what you are able.”

If there is genuine inability or recognized psychological harm, the obligation is reduced to the extent of one’s ability. Ibn Taymiyyah said: The obligatory level of maintaining ties varies according to one’s ability and circumstances; it does not have one fixed measure for all people. Ibn Bāz said: It is obligatory to maintain family ties even by greeting and asking, and if visiting involves harm or corruption, then calling or sending a message is sufficient. Ibn ʿUthaymīn said: If maintaining ties causes harm to a person in his religion or himself, he may reduce it, but he may not cut it off completely. Application to her situation Ruling on the sister’s action If she left with a non-maḥram man and committed what is unlawful, this is a grave sin. If she later married with a valid Islamic contract, then the marriage is valid if its conditions are met. Her sin does not nullify her right to kinship. It is not permissible to hold her responsible for the father’s death in terms of Islamic ruling, as lifespans are in Allah’s Hand: “When their appointed time comes, they can neither delay it for an hour nor advance it.” (Al-Aʿrāf 7:34) Is the questioner sinful? There are three situations: • Complete severance while able → sinful. • Partial connection due to severe psychological harm no sin if the minimum possible is maintained. • Temporary psychological inability no sin, but permanent severance is not permissible. What is the minimum that suffices? Islamically, it is sufficient to: • Greet her if she meets her. • Send a greeting message during Ramadan or ʿĪd. • Ask about her from time to time. • Supplicate for her guidance. She is not required to: • Sit with her for long periods. • Engage in close companionship. • Display emotional affection she is unable to feel. The heart may be in pain, but the obligation concerns outward actions according to ability. You are hurt, and this is understandable. However: • Prolonged severance increases pain. • Calm, limited connection may be a cause for her repentance. • Long-term boycott may increase her distance. Al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī رحمه الله said: If your relatives cut you off, then maintain ties with them, for maintaining ties brings you closer to Allah.