What Should a Woman Do If Her Father Unjustly Delays Her Marriage and Rejects Righteous Suitors?
Question: My father is delaying marriage for me and rejecting suitors with good religious backgrounds. He tells me that I need to finish my education first and that I can only get married later in my life . When I try to speak with him, he often gets extremely angry and paranoid, which is heightened because he takes a substance known to cause paranoia. Because of this, he doesn't take anything I say into consideration, so I usually just stay quiet. What should I do ?
Summary:
If a man of good religion and character proposes to a woman, her guardian is not permitted to prevent her from marrying him without a valid Sharia reason. Delaying marriage merely to complete one's education or because of a desire to postpone marriage until a later age is not a valid Sharia excuse if the woman wishes to marry and the suitor is suitable. Therefore, the daughter should advise her father gently and seek the help of relatives or people of knowledge whose words he respects. If he persists in preventing her from marrying without a valid reason, then this constitutes wrongful prevention (adl), which Allah has forbidden. In that case, she has the right to take the matter to the Sharia judge or the appropriate Islamic authority to examine her case.
Answer:
Firstly: The basic principle is that a guardian should marry off the woman when a suitable suitor comes
From the Qur'an:
- [Surah Al-Baqarah: 232]
"And do not prevent them from marrying their husbands if they mutually agree in a lawful manner."
Meaning: Do not prevent them from marrying if they are pleased with a suitable husband. This verse is a fundamental proof that it is prohibited to prevent a woman from marrying a suitable suitor.
Secondly: The criterion for accepting a suitor is his religion and character
From the Sunnah:
- Classified as hasan by Shaykh Al-Albani رحمه الله.It is narrated from Abu Hurairah رضي الله عنه that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
"If there comes to you one whose religion and character please you, then marry him. If you do not, there will be tribulation in the land and widespread corruption."
This hadith indicates that religion and good character are the greatest qualities to be considered when accepting a suitor.
Thirdly: Is it permissible for a father to delay marriage because of education? Seeking education is something good in principle. However, it is not permissible to make it a reason for rejecting a suitable suitor if the woman wishes to marry, unless there is a valid Sharia interest and the woman herself agrees to it. As for making marriage forbidden until a much later age without a valid Sharia reason, this is not from the guidance of the Sharia. Rather, it may fall under the category of wrongful prevention if it results in rejecting suitable suitors. Fourthly: What should the woman do in this situation? If her father becomes angry and refuses discussion, then she should: -Continue honoring him and treating him well, without responding to him with disrespect. -Choose an appropriate time to advise him. -Seek the assistance of a relative, respected elder, imam of the mosque, or anyone whose advice her father is likely to accept. -Increase in supplication and pray Istikharah. If he continues rejecting suitable suitors without a valid Sharia reason, then he has committed wrongful prevention (adl). In that case, she may take her matter to the Sharia judge, the Islamic court, or the appropriate Islamic authority in her country. The judge will examine the claim of wrongful prevention, and if it is established, he may conduct her marriage himself or transfer guardianship to the next eligible guardian, according to what the Sharia ruling requires. Statements of the Scholars:
From the Scholars:
- Firstly: Shaykh Abdul Aziz bin Baz رحمه الله:
"It is obligatory upon the guardian to hasten in marrying off the woman when a suitable suitor proposes to her. It is not permissible for him to wrongfully prevent her from marriage." He also cited the hadith: It is narrated from the Prophet ﷺ that he said: "If there comes to you one whose religion and trustworthiness please you, then marry him. If you do not, there will be tribulation in the land and widespread corruption." Or as he ﷺ said.
- He رحمه الله also said:
"If a suitable suitor comes to her and the guardian refuses to marry her off without a valid reason, then he has wrongfully prevented her."
Conclusion: If a man of good religion and character proposes, it is obligatory upon the guardian to consider marrying her to him, and it is not permissible to reject him without a valid Sharia reason. Delaying marriage merely for the sake of education or because of a desire to postpone marriage until a later age is not a valid Sharia justification if the woman wishes to marry and the suitor is suitable. The woman should begin by advising her father, seeking the assistance of those who have influence over him, while remaining patient and dutiful toward him. If the guardian persists in preventing her from marrying suitable suitors without a valid reason, then this is the prohibited practice of wrongful prevention (adl), and she has the right to take her case to the Sharia judge or the appropriate Islamic authority so that justice may be established according to the rulings of the Sharia.
And Allah knows best.
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