What Is the Meaning of the Hadith: “If I Were to Command Anyone to Prostrate to Another, I Would Command Women to Prostrate to Their Husbands”?
Question: Salam wa alakium sheiyk, can I have tafsir on this hadith as well due to doubts: Sunan Abi Dawud 2140 Narrated Qays ibn Sa'd: I went to al-Hirah and saw them (the people) prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, so I said: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) has most right to have prostration made before him. When I came to the Prophet (ﷺ), I said: I went to al-Hirah and saw them prostrating themselves before a satrap of theirs, but you have most right, Messenger of Allah, to have (people) prostrating themselves before you. He said: Tell me , if you were to pass my grave, would you prostrate yourself before it? I said: No. He then said: Do not do so. If I were to command anyone to make prostration before another I would command women to prostrate themselves before their husbands,
Summary:
The hadith is authentic in its basic meaning. Shaykh Al-Albani رحمه الله authenticated the hadith of Qays ibn Sa'd رضي الله عنه, but he said regarding this particular chain: “Authentic except for the phrase concerning the grave.” Meaning that this particular phrase is weak. The meaning of the hadith is not that a woman is commanded to prostrate to her husband. Rather, the Prophet ﷺ prohibited prostrating to human beings by saying, “Then do not do so.” He then presented a hypothetical example: if it were permissible for a human being to be commanded to prostrate to another human being, the husband would be among those most deserving of that because of the greatness of his right over his wife. However, prostrating to anyone besides Allah is prohibited in the first place. The hadith demonstrates the greatness of the husband's right and that he is to be obeyed in what is right. It does not mean that the husband has the right to command his wife to do whatever he wishes, nor that he may humiliate or oppress her. Allah has also obligated him to live with her in kindness. He said: “And live with them in kindness.” And He said: “And they have rights similar to those upon them, according to what is right.”
Answer:
First: The Authenticity of the Hadith
The hadith was narrated by Abu Dawud (2140) from Qays ibn Sa'd رضي الله عنه. Abu Dawud remained silent concerning it, and whatever he remained silent about in his Sunan is considered acceptable according to him.
Shaykh Al-Albani رحمه الله authenticated it and said:
“Authentic except for the phrase concerning the grave.”
Second: Why Did the Prophet ﷺ Say, “If I Were to Command…”?
This wording is extremely important for understanding the hadith.
The Prophet ﷺ did not say to women, “Prostrate to your husbands.” Rather, he said:
“If I were to command…”
Meaning, this was stated as a hypothetical matter that cannot occur, because prostrating to anyone besides Allah is not permitted in our Shariah.
The story of the hadith itself makes this clear. When Qays رضي الله عنه saw the people of Al-Hirah prostrating to their leader, he thought that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was more deserving of such veneration, so he wanted to prostrate to him. The Prophet ﷺ prohibited him and said:
“Then do not do so.”
If the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, who is the best of mankind, did not allow his Companions to prostrate to him, then it is even more evident that a woman is not permitted to prostrate to her husband.
The explanation of the hadith found in the books of hadith clarifies that prostration is among the greatest forms of veneration, that none deserves it except Allah, and that the statement of the Prophet ﷺ concerning the husband only demonstrates the greatness of the husband's right over his wife.
Third: What, Then, Is Meant by Mentioning the Husband?
What is intended is to emphasize the greatness of the husband's right, not to legislate prostration to him.
Abu Dawud رحمه الله placed this hadith under the chapter heading:
“Chapter: The Husband's Right Over the Woman.”
The husband has the right to be obeyed in what is right, for his home, wealth, and honor to be protected, for his lawful marital rights to be fulfilled, for no one whom he dislikes to be admitted into his home, and other rights established by the Shariah.
Shaykh Abdul-Muhsin Al-Abbad حفظه الله explained this hadith in his explanation of Sunan Abi Dawud under the title:
“Explanation of the Hadith: ‘If I Were to Command Anyone to Prostrate to Anyone.’”
This appears in the chapter concerning the husband's right over the woman.
Fourth: Is Obedience to the Husband Absolute?
No.
Obedience to the husband is only in what is right.
From the Sunnah:
- Sahih Al-BukhariAli ibn Abi Talib رضي الله عنه reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:
“Obedience is only in what is right.” Agreed upon.
Therefore, if a husband commands his wife to disobey Allah, she is not permitted to obey him, because the right of Allah takes precedence over the right of the husband and the right of every created being. Likewise, the hadith does not mean that the husband may control his wife however he wishes, oppress or humiliate her, or take her wealth without right. Rather, Allah said to men:
From the Qur'an:
- [Surah An-Nisa: 19]
“And live with them in kindness.”
This is a command from Allah to the husband to treat his wife well.
- [Surah Al-Baqarah: 228]
“And they have rights similar to those upon them, according to what is right, but men have a degree over them.”
Thus, the Quran establishes that the wife has rights just as she has obligations.
Fifth: Qiwamah Does Not Mean Tyranny
From the Qur'an:
- [Surah An-Nisa: 34]
“Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has given some of them an advantage over others and because they spend from their wealth.”
Qiwamah is a Shariah responsibility that includes taking care of the family through financial maintenance, care, guidance, and protection. It is not permission for a man to commit oppression.
From the Sunnah:
- At-TirmidhiIt is authentically reported in At-Tirmidhi from Aishah, the Mother of the Believers رضي الله عنها, that the Prophet ﷺ said:
“The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.”
Whoever understands the husband's right as permission for him to humiliate or oppress his wife has understood the texts incompletely, because the same Prophet ﷺ who emphasized the greatness of the husband's right also commanded men to treat women well.
Sixth: Does the Hadith Mean That a Man Is Better Than a Woman in the Sight of Allah? The hadith does not indicate this. The hadith concerns marital rights; it is not about determining the status of every husband and wife in the sight of Allah. A woman may be more righteous and have a higher status before Allah than her husband.
From the Qur'an:
- [Surah Al-Hujurat: 13]
“Indeed, the most honorable of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.”
Therefore, a woman may be better than her husband in the sight of Allah in terms of taqwa, while the husband nevertheless has rights over her because of the marriage contract, just as she has rights over him.
Seventh: Why Has the Shariah Given the Husband This Right? Because a family cannot function properly if there is no responsibility and point of reference when disagreements arise. Allah has therefore made the husband responsible for the family through qiwamah. In return for this qiwamah, He has placed major obligations upon him: financial maintenance, housing, clothing, protection, good treatment, and taking care of the family's interests. Therefore, the matter is not that Islam has given the man rights without placing obligations upon him. Rather, it has given each spouse rights and obligated each of them with responsibilities appropriate to their position within the family. Eighth: If the Reason for the Question Is Fear of Marriage This hadith should not be understood in isolation from the other texts concerning marriage. A righteous husband should not enter marriage thinking only, “How can I make my wife obey me?” Rather, he should also keep in mind the statement of Allah: “And live with them in kindness.” Likewise, a righteous woman should not view obedience to her husband as humiliation. Rather, it is part of the system that Allah has legislated for the family, so long as the husband commands what is right, fulfills her rights, and does not oppress her. The Prophet ﷺ had the greatest right over his wives, yet he was the best of people in his treatment of his family and the most merciful toward them. Conclusion: The hadith: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would command women to prostrate to their husbands…” is authentic in its basic meaning. Shaykh Al-Albani رحمه الله authenticated it while excluding the phrase concerning the grave in the narration of Qays ibn Sa'd رضي الله عنه. It demonstrates two fundamental matters: First: Prostration is not permissible to any human being. Rather, it is major shirk that takes a person outside Islam. This is why the Prophet ﷺ prohibited his Companions from prostrating to him. Second: It demonstrates the greatness of the husband's right over his wife. Therefore, she is required to obey him in what is right and fulfill his marital rights. However, the hadith does not mean that the husband is worshipped, that obedience to him is absolute, that he is better than his wife in the sight of Allah merely because he is a man, or that he is permitted to oppress, humiliate, or control her without right. Rather, the complete and balanced understanding comes from considering all of the texts together: the husband has the right of qiwamah and obedience in what is right, while the wife has the right to financial maintenance, mercy, good treatment, and all of her other rights. Allah, the Most High, said: “And they have rights similar to those upon them, according to what is right.” Marriage in Islam is therefore a relationship of mutual rights and obligations, along with the husband's qiwamah and responsibility for the family. It is not a relationship of enslavement or humiliation.
And Allah knows best.
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